Pirates Starring ME!
by The Ia Chan
Summary: Alkali end up in the Caribbean.  Why?  Don't ask me.  How is she going to get out of there?  And why did her name change?  READ IT!
1. Welcome to Port Royal, Miss Smith

Ok... what would happen if I got sucked into PIRATES!!!?

Chapter One...

Ia took the disk from the case and put it in the DVD Player.

She plopped down onto the couch and took the bowl of popcorn and started eating as Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl started. She liked the part where you saw Jack for the first time... and Older Will!

She thought about how sweet it would be to be in Pirates just like Jack! She'd have the _Black Pearl _and the monkey too.

It came up to the part where young Elizabeth looked out and saw the _Black Pearl _sail out into the fog. She shut her eyes and Ia did at the same exact time and when she opened them, she was treading water out in the Caribbean.

"What the?" she asked as a small boat appeared. There was a man on it.

"Who'r you?" he asked, propping his foot up onto the side of the ship and leaning onto his knee. His long hair falling in his face.

Ia thought, since she was in Pirates, she should use her Pirate name.

"Alkali." she said strongly.

"Alkali? Odd name... ah well," he said, not making any motion to help her up into the boat. "Why you out here without a ship?" he asked.

"I just woke up here." she said, being honest.

"Ah." he said as if he's heard that a thousand times.

"Can I come up?" she asked angrily as she tried to keep her head above water.

"Fine." he said, annoyed as he helped her up into his little boat.

When she got up there, she noticed what she was wearing wasn't what she was originally wearing. Now she was wearing black pants with the same boots as the man. A white shirt that sewn to fit close and snug and a Navy blue jacket like the man's. Her red hair was kept back by a bright red bandanna and at her waist was a cutlass and a pistol and a compass. She opened the compass and saw that it pointed towards land.

"Are we headin North?" she asked, looking towards the land.

"No, North's to your left." the man said and Alkali turned to look North.

"Sweet." she whispered to herself as she sat down at the bow and the man climbed up the mast to the top of the sail and stood there. Holding onto the tiny tiny crow's nest.

"Hey, Captain Jack! I've always been wondering, why you up there?" Alkali called out to, of course, Captain Jack Sparrow.

"How do you know who I am? You're... what? Ten?" he asked.

"I'M FIVETEEN!" Alkali screamed.

"Alright alright. I'm up here so I can see better."

"Oh. Since you're a Captain and you're looking for a ship, I join your crew!" she said, smirking.

Jack stared down at her. "No way is a little girl joining my crew!" he yelled in horror.

"I join your crew! Trust me, you're going to have a Hell of a time finding a crew." she said. Not technically lying, since he does have a hell of a time finding a crew eventually!

"Fine." he said, very very irritated right now.

"Excelent! Hey, that makes me First Mate!" she said.

"No, you're not First Mate." he said.

"WHY NOT!?" she yelled.

The two bickered till they realized that the boat was filling with water. Alkali had won, anyway.

As they tried to get the water out of the little boat, Jack noticed the three hanged Pirates and the sign. He took off his hat in respect and Alkali tried to follow, but was too busy trying to get the water out of the ship.

The merchants in all the ships in the port watched as Captain Jack and First Mate Alkali sailed to the dock standing on the top sail. They both stuck out their right leg and stepped onto the dock at the same time and walked down it. Jack in his drunk swagger and Alkali in a sort of strut.

"'Old up there, you!" he yelled at Jack and he turned around, looking innocent. Alkali looked a little menacing with her arms crossed. She knew what was going to happen.

"It's a shilling to tie up your boat at the docks, Cap'n. Gosh! And he shall need to know your name!" Alkali said, smiling politely and batting her eyelashes.

The man stared at her and Jack stared at her too. He collected himself and said, "What do you sat to Three shillings... and we forget the name!"

The man hesitated for a bit and said, "Welcome to Port Royal, Mr. Smith!"

Jack bid him adieu and went to reach for the small bag of coins when he saw them to be gone. He looked at Alkali who held up her hand and waved her fingers at him. Around her middle finger was the cord to the small bag of coins which had been hidden in her hand during the predicament with the Dock manager. He smirked and went on his way, Alkali following behind him.

--

They walked around towards the fort while Jack asked questions.

"How'd you come to be out in the water that far out?"

"How did you?" Alkali said, avoiding the fact that she wasn't from that world.

"I was sailing! You just didn't have a ship."

"Oh. I guess I fell asleep at the dock and fell in and floated out there."

"Oh." Jack said, supposing she had gotten drunk or something like that.

"Why are we looking for a ship here?" Alkali asked, looking around and seeing the fort where she knew Norrington and Elizabeth were.

"How did you know... never mind. They have nice ships here!" Jack said as they came around the bend and they became quiet. They tried to quickly pass the guards without them noticing but it failed.

"'Old up there. This dock is off limits to civilians." the man said, standing up as straight as possible.

"We're terribly sorry, we did not know. If we see one, we shall inform you immediately!" Jack said. Alkali standing behind him, looking as adorable as possible with her big brown eyes and her lower lip quivering.

Jack tried to side-step them but failed, again.

"Apparently there's some high town and fancy up to do at the fort... how is it that two upstanding gentlemen as yourselves... did not merit an invitation?" Alkali asked slyly.

"S-someone has to make sure this dock stays off limits to civilians." the same guy said.

"But that ship out there makes this ship look like crap!" Alkali yelled in frustration.

The two British solders looked at each other in confusion.

"She means that that ship makes this ship a bit weaker, don't you think?"

"Oh, the _Dauntless_ is the powers in these waters, sure enough. But no ship can match the _Interceptor_ for speed!" he said a bit smugly.

"I've heard of one, suppose to be very fast- NIGH uncatchable... _The Black Pearl_!" Jack said with an air of mystery to it.

The other guy started to laugh, "There's no _real _ship, that can match the _Interceptor_!"

"The _Black Pearl_ is a real ship."

"No, no it's not."

"Yes it is, I've seen it!"

"You've seen it? You haven't seen it!"

"Yes I have!"

Jack and Alkali rolled their eyes and let them get on with their slightly annoying and stupid argument.

"You mean to tell me that you've seen a ship, with black sails. That's crewed by the damned and captained by a man SO EVIL, that Hell itself... spat him back out!"

"No," he said simply.

"Right-"

"But I have seen a ship with black sails!"

"Oh, and not crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out could _possibly _have black sails, therefore couldn't _possibly_ be any other ship than the _Black Pearl_, is that what you're sayin?"

The man smiled, nodded and said, "No!" proudly. In the background, you could see Jack and Alkali climb onto the _Interceptor_.

"Right... it couldn't possibly be any other ship than the..."

Seeing Jack steering the wheel all serenely and Alkali in the Crows Nest caused them to spring up and jump aboard the ship.

* * *

And till next time... I really have to go and do my Drivers Homework (SUCKS!!!)

9-19-07 (NATIONAL TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY!!!)


	2. The Capture of Miss Sparrow

Here we go again!

Chapter Two...

"HEY! YOU TWO!"

"You don't have permission to be aboard there, mate." they said, aiming their guns at Jack as Alkali came down next to him.

"We're sorry, it's just such a pretty boat."

"Ship!" Jack said, correcting Alkali.

One of the men lowerd his weapon and asked, "What's your name?"

"Smith! Or, Smithy, if you like." Jack said, totaly prepared for this question.

"And you, girl?"

"Smith, too. I'm his daughter." Alkali said a little smugly. Jack stared at her repulsed but turned back to the two gentlemen.

"What's your purpose in Port Royal, _Mr. Smith_?"

"Yeah! And no lies!"

Jack let out a sigh, "Alright then, I confess. It is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, rage, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer our weasly black hearts out!" Jack said.

"I have to follow." Alkali said, acting a little down about that fact.

The guys stared at Jack, "I-I said no lies!"

"I think he's tellin the truth!" the other guy muttered to the first one.

The first guy looked a little flustered, "If he were tellin the truth, he wouldn' a told us!?"

"Unless he knew that you wouldn't believe the truth, even if it was told to you!" Alkali said, smirking. Jack just pointed plainly at Alkali.

O.O

SPLASHY!

Everybody looked over as they heard a faint cry of "ELIZABETH!"

"Will you be saving her then?" Alkali asked her 'father'.

"Why me? What about my new Navy Buddies?" Jack asked in a fake whine.

"I can't swim!"

"Pride of the King's Navy YOU are." Jack and Alkali said in the exact same tone as Jack handed her his stuff, telling her to not loose them.

After he jumped in, Alkali gave them a look of 'you are so stupid' and ran to the docks, holding Jack's stuff.

He hoisted Elizabeth up onto the dock where the Navy men noticed she wasn't breathing.

"MOVE!" he yelled and cut the corset open. Elizabeth coughed suddenly while water escaped from her mouth and she took in some heavy breaths. "Where did you get that?" Jack asked quietly to her.

"On your feet." a deep voice was heard. Alkali raised her eyebrows at the sudden rudeness of the man towards the one who just saved his possible fiancee's live.

"SHOOT HIM!"

"Father! Commodore, do you really intend on killing my rescuer?" Elizabeth asked.

"I believe thanks are in order." he asked Jack while extending his hand in gratitude.

Jack slowly extended his own hand but it was taken suddenly and his sleeve pulled up.

"Had a brush with the East India Trading Company, did we, Pirate?"

Jack grimaced and Alkali whispered, "Smoooooth."

"And who are you?"

"Smith! Or Smithy, if you like! I just got here, my ship I was on exploded. Don't worry, I'm the only survivor. I'm here looking for something to now do with my life since everybody I knew was on that ship!" she said plainly.

Everybody stared at her.

"Sorry, Sir. She's my daughter, a little bit off ever since her mother died! Tragic. Well, if you don't mind, I need to bring her to a doctor!" Jack said, trying to get out of Norrington's grip.

"I don't even know you!" Alkali yelled suddenly and staring at Jack with a frightened look on her face.

"See." Jack said, twirling his finger round his temple.

"Check her." Norington said and a random navy man pulled up her sleeve and noticed there was nothing there.

"HA!" Alkali yelled in Jack's face.

Norrington pushed up the rest of Jack's sleeve and saw the tattoo.

"Well, well. Jack Sparrow, isn't it?" he said, spating at the word Sparrow.

"Captin Jack Sparrow, savvy."

"I don't see your ship, Captain!"

"I'm in the market, as it were."

"He said he'd come to commandeer one."

"Told you he was tellin the truth! These are his sir." he said, pointing at Alkali who was still holding them. Norrington had to wrestle them from her arms to look at them.

"No additional shot, nor powder. A compass that doesn't point north. Hum, and I half expected it to be made of wood. You are without doubt the _worst_ Pirate I've ever heard of!"

"Ah, but you have heard of me!" Jack said happily.

Norrington grabbed him and brought him over to where Gillett had the irons.

"Commodore, I really must protest! Pirate or not, this man saved my life." Elizabeth said, defending Jack.

"One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness!" Norington said.

"Though it seems enough to condemn him!" Alkali said brightly, standing next to Jack.

"Indeed!" Norington said to Alkali.

"Finally." Jack said and wrapped his chains around Elizabeth's neck.

"NO NO DON'T SHOOT!" Gov. Swann yelled.

"I knew you'd warm up to me. Commodore, my effects please, AND my hat!" Jack yelled.

When Norrington did nothing Jack yelled, "Commodore!" and turned to Elizabeth "Elizabeth, it is Elizabeth, isn't it?"

"It's Miss Swann!" she said forcefully.

"Alright, Miss Swann. Be a dear and put them on for me," he said as she was given them. "Come come, we don't have all day!"

As Elizabeth put his stuff on, Alkali (knowing what would happen next) did the casual side switch (from Scrubs, all you Scrubs fans. J.D. did it, but she's just doing it to get to the other side of the dock where she... just wait so I can write it out _properly_ so I don't sound like a bad storyteller, Gosh).

When Elizabeth was finished puting Jack's stuff on him, he spun her around and said, "Gentlemen, m'lady, you will always remember this as they day that you almost," he backed up a little bit, "Caught," still backing up, Alkali readied herself on the edge of the docks, "Captian... Jack... SPARROW!" he yelled and pushed Elizabeth back to the crowd and ran off, Alkali dived into the water, and the Navy men focused on Jack. But only two Navy men figured out Alkali wasn't there. Since Jack said she was his 'daughter' (quote un-quote) they figured they needed to capture her as well.

Alkali (being on the swim team at home) was an excelent swimmer, but didn't have the best lung capacity (but can beat almost anybody at a Holding Your Breath Contest). She popped her head up quickly to take a breath and saw two of the Navy men following her. She screamed and dived back down and swam as fast as she could in boots, a jacket, and with various weapons on her belt.

They managed to catch her ankle and brought her up nearly half a mile away from the docks.

"Come on, girly. You're coming into the fort with us and your daddy dearest." one of them said, smirking so as he did.

O.O

They brought Alkali into the cell and slammed the door after her. Sopping wet, she sat down next to an odd pile of stones. She picked one up and studied it.

"Alkali Sparrow?" somebody asked. Alkali looked up, thinking it weird that they named her Sparrow. Well, everybody did think she was Jack's daughter and she never did put a name to her.

"Yes?" she asked the Navy man who asked her.

"We found this." he said, pulling out her very wet hat that she disregarded on the dock.

"Thanks." she said, pulling it through the bars and putting it on.

As she sat down again, the disgusting men in the other cell started to notice she was a girl. They started whistling and edging her to come over to their side of the cell.

Disgusted, she realized she had a stone in her hand. She stood up and looked at them with a sly look on her face. The guys started getting excited and were pressing against the bars when she chucked the stone and it hit one of the guys in the face. She kept chucking stones at them till they were cowering at the other end of their cell. She sniffed and sat down, crossing her arms and legs.

After a little bit in the cell, they brought the unconscious Jack into the cell and dropped him on the floor where he awoke instantly.

"Wha?"

"Welcom to our new home, _daddy dearest_!" Alkali said sarcastically and meanly.

"Oh, bugga." he said.

"I thought you didn't say that till the second one?" she muttered to herself causing Jack to ask, "What?"

"Nothing," she said, looking out at the world. "So how was your fight with Will?"

"How did you know?"

"Haven't we established that I'm psychic?" she said plainly.

Jack gave her a weird stare.

"Never mind. I just know."

Jack sat down and pulled his hat over his eyes and pretended that he was asleep.

Alkali found the last stone on the floor and held it up in a going to be throwing fashion. The guys in the next cell started quivering.

-.-

Later that night, the guys were in the next cell were trying to get the dog to come towards them. Jack was still pretending to sleep and Alkali was playing catch with herself with the stone. She was sitting, cross legged, on the floor with her back to the door of the cell.

"You can keep doing that forever, that dog is never gonna move." Jack said to them.

"Well excuse us if we haven't resigned ourselves to the gallows just yet!" one of them snapped. Jack grinned and sat back again.

"When is that stupid ship gonna come. I'm board outa my mind and those guys are getting on my nerves!" Alkali growled.

"What ship?" Jack asked but heard cannon fire in the background. "I know those guns," he said and sprang up to the window. "It's the _Pearl_." he hissed.

"The _Black Pearl_!? I've heard tell about her... been prayin off ships and settlements for near ten years. Never leaves any survivors."

"No survivors!" Jack smirked, "Then where do the stories come from I wonder!"

Alkali smirked at the confused looks of the other inmates.

* * *

Ok... I'll continue later... I want a brownie

9-22-07


	3. The Interception of the Interceptor

Hewwo! Let's continue, shall we!?

Chapter Three...

The crew of the _Black Pearl_ raged through Port Royal, well, as far as Jack and Alkali could see. They were peering out their little window to try and see what was going on down in Port Royal. That's when Jack saw the cannon come up.

"DOWN!" he yelled at Alkali and pushed her down onto the floor, then he sheilded her from the blast in the wall. When they looked up, the other inmates were escaping.

"My sympathy, friend. You've no matter of luck at all!" he said while leaving, cackling as he did so.

Alkali rubbed her head as she watched Jack pick up the bone in the moonlight and held it out through the bars in the cage.

He started whistling, "C'mhere doggy! Yeah, it's just you and Old Jack now, isn't it!"

"Hey, I'm here too." Alkali moaned from the other side of the cell.

"Come on, doggy, little closer, little bit! Yeah, you mangy worthless mangy cat!"

There was a crash up above and the dog ran away.

"NO, no, no, no, no, no, no! I didn't mean it!"

A guard fell down the stairs, dead, of course, and down came two Cursed Pirates.

"This ain't the armory!"

"Well, well! Look what we've got here, Jack Sparrow!" he said, spatting at Jack's feet. "Last time I saw you, you were all alone, on a God forsaken island."

"His fortunes arn't improved much!"

"Worry about your own fortunes, boys." Jack said.

"The deepest circle of Hell... is reserved for betrayers... and mutineers!" Alkali finished, coming up to the cell bars, what happened after Jack normally said that.

The Pirate brought his hand through to Alkali's neck, showing bone.

"So there is a curse... that's interesting!" Jack said politely.

"You two know nothing of Hell." he said.

"Maybe we should take the girly wi' us!" the other guy said.

The first one looked at him... and smirked. They managed to open the door and brought out Alkali, though she struggled a bit.

She kept fighting them as they started up the stairs and as she was fighting, she hit her head, HARD, against the stone wall and fell limp.

"You won't want to be with her when she wakes up!" Jack said, thinking up a plan.

"Why!"

"She's a tough one to be with... she won't be happy, probably take control of the ship and run it into his Locker."

The two guys looked at each other with a look of great fear and threw her to the floor infront of the cell door.

O.O

The next morning, Alkali was still out and Jack was trying to pic the lock with the bone when Will came down.

"You, Sparrow!" Will said, not noticing Alkali yet. Jack, who was laying on the floor, looked up and said, "Aye?"

"You know that ship, the _Black Pearl_?"

"I've heard of it." he said, examining his nails.

"Where does it make bearth?"

"Where does it make bearth!? Have you not heard the stories, boy?"

Will gave him an odd stare.

"_Captain_ Barbossa... and his crew of miscreants sail from the dreaded _Isle De Muta_. An island that can not be found EXCEPT by those who already know where it is!" Jack said, sitting up.

"The ships real, so therefore it's dockage must be a real place, where is it?"

"Why ask me?" Jack asked, looking at his nails again.

Will sighed, "Cuz you're a Pirate."

"And you want to turn Pirate too."

"_NEVER_!"

Jack said nothing.

"They took Miss Swann."

"OH! SO it is that you've found a girl!" Jack said all happily

Will stared at him and looked down at Alkali.

"Who's she?"

Jack, thinking since everybody thinks she's his daughter, he'd tell young Mr. Turner, she's his daughter. "She's my daughter."

"Why is she out here?" he asked, going down onto one knee and trying to gently wake her up.

"The Pirates were here last night and tried to take her, she hit her head and they threw her back," Jack said. "Well, if all you want to do is gallantly go out and brave all perils to win you Bonny Lass back, I see no profit in it for me." Jack said, picking up a rock and throwing it at Alkali's back, she only stirred a little.

"I can get you out!"

"How's that, they keys run off." Jack said plainly, looking off towards where the dog ran off.

"I helped build these cells. These are half-pin-barrel hinges. With the right leverage and the proper application of strength," he said, putting the bench to the bars, "The door will lift free."

"What's your name?" Jack asked.

"Will Turner." Will said.

Jack hesitated a bit. "That'd be short for William, I imagine... good strong name. No doubt named for your father, aye?"

"Yes." Will said quietly.

"Well, Mr. Turner, I've changed my mind. If you spring me from this, I swear I'll help you win back your Bonnie Lass."

"Agreed." Will said as they shook hands.

"Good, now get me out!"

Will got the door out and the crash woke Alkali, finally.

"What the?" she asked, rubbing her head and Will extended his hand to help her up.

"Hello, I'm Will, who are you?" he asked politely.

Alkali froze but regained herself and said, "I'm Alkali! Alkali Sparrow, Mr Tuner!"

"How do you know my last name?"

"She's a psycho."

"Psy_chic_!" Alkali said as Will helped her up.

O.O

After a little while, Alkali found herself hearing her 'father' say, "Gentlemen, do not panic, we are taking over the ship!"

"Aye! Avast!" Will yelled.

The men started laughing.

"This ship can not be crewed by two men and a girl, you'll never make it out of the bay!"

"Son, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow," Jack said, aiming his gun, "Savvy!"

Norrington and a random Lieutenant were standing on the wall of the fort when the Lt spotted the rowboat.

"Sir." he said and Norrington pulled out his spy glass.

"SIR! SIR! THEY'VE TAKEN HER! SPARROW, SPARROW, AND TURNER! THEY'VE TAKEN THE _DAUNTLESS_!"

"Rash, Turner, very rash." Norrington said.

"Here they come." Will said, running up to Jack and Alkali. They both turned their heads in unison and smirked.

When the _Interceptor_ came alongside the _Dauntless_, the Navy men boarded quickly.

"SEARCH EVERY CABIN, DOWN TO THE KEEL!" Norrington yelled but didn't notice behind him, Jack, Will, and Alkali swinging over to the _Interceptor_.

"BACK TO THE _INTERCEPTOR_, NOW!" Norrington yelled and several tried to swing over, but just swung into the water.

"Get the cannons ready, now!"

"Sir, we are to fire on our own ship?" the Lt asked.

"I'd rather see her at the bottom of the ocean than in the hand of a Pirate." Norrington said.

"Sir, sir! He's disabled the rudder change!"

The _Dauntless_ then charged over the tiny rowboat, almost killing everybody aboard.

Norrington hung his head.

"That's got to be the best Pirate I've ever seen." Lt said.

"So it would seem." Norrington said, highly annoyed.

O.O

Alkali was sitting at the stern with Jack and Will. Letting the Caribbean breeze lift her messy and (now) dirty hair. It felt nice. She listened to Jack and Will's conversation.

"My father, William Turner, you knew him. At the fort, it was only after you learned my name that you agreed to help me. Since that was what I wanted, I didn't press the matter. I'm not a simpleton, Jack. You knew my father."

Jack sighed, "I knew 'im. Probably one of the few who knew him as Will Turner. The rest just knew him as Bootstrap, or Bootstrap Bill."

"Bootstrap?" Will said, looking at Alkali, who was half staring half gazing at Will.

"He was a good man, good Pirate. I swear, you look _just_ like him!" Jack said, turning towards Will.

"That's not true, my father was a merchant. A good respectable man who obeyed the law!"

"He was a bloody Pirate-"

"A scallywag!" Alkali said brightly.

"My father was NOT a Pirate!"

A moment later, Will found himself hanging off the sail with Jack giving him a lecture.

"Good Lord, this'll take forever!" Alkali said to herself, yet loudly. "How long till Tortuga?" she asked as Jack was bringing Will back around.

"Tortuga?" Will asked.

"Tortuga!" Jack said.

* * *

Ok... I'm getting tired of typing... gosh.

9-23-07


End file.
